Minnesota Man Does Ozzy Impersonation

A man in Minnesota was arrested today for riping the head off of a live, tame duck at a hotel. The duck was swimming in an ornamental pond inside the hotel when Scott Clark cornered the duck and the ripped the head off it's body.

I’m hungry. I’m gonna eat it.

And as if this really needs to be written, Clark was apparently intoxicated.

Embassy Suites Now Serving Duck [MSNBC]

Drug Smuggler Calls Cops for Help

Continually you will hear about criminal masterminds, but most of the time the only smart thing they do is avoid police officers. Well, one man thought he would change all that. Leroy Carr called Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents on August 7 to report that two backpacks he had stashed near the border containing 31 kilograms of cocaine were missing.

Seriously? When you stash cocaine somehwere and can't find it, try LOOKING HARDER! When you involve police, you are just looking to get laughed at in prison. I mean if you happen to get busted flying a DC-1o plane from Columbia to the U.S. under the radar and an Army helicopter sees you, that is bad luck. When you call the police to help you look for drugs you misplaced, that is you becoming your cellmate's "lady friend."

Money, Drugs, no Brains. [komotv.com]

Doctors in Caracas Not Too Careful

When Carlos Camejo was in an accident in Caracas recently, he was taken to the morgue to perform an autopsy to determine the cause of death. However, doctors forgot to ask two little questions:

1. If he was in an accident, why are we doing an autopsy?
2. Before we start, should we make sure this guy is actually dead?

Whoops. Turns out, Camejo wasn't dead, just badly injured. Doctors began the autopsy by cutting into his face, at which point he started bleeding and woke up from the excruciating pain. I would have to believe that even if he was in a coma or unconscious, they would be able to tell that air was still being passed in and out of his body and into his lungs. Or maybe even that his heart was still beating, but I guess not.

Doctors decide to do Autopsy of living man, save time when he actually dies. [reuters.com]

You Forgot Something

A man stealing cars in Ohio made the mistake of stealing a car low on gas. The man fills the car up, but leaves the receipt in the car when he decides he's had enough of this car and steals a different SUV. Police find receipt, then find video of him in gas station based off of his receipt. If you're stealing cars, why are you paying for gas?

Thieves: Say "No Thanks" When It Comes To Receipts [Newsnet5.com]