Teen Shot At McDonald's

I'm sure this story has happened to everybody....

A teenager in Pittsburgh was in line at McDonald's on Wednesday. He was probably trying to decide whether he wanted the Double Quarter Pounder or The Big 'N' Tasty. Then he sat there, trying to figure out what exactly is a Big 'N' Tasty. Is it true they just add a tomato? Tomatoes aren't tasty. Tomatoes fucking suck. Especially warm tomatoes. That's nasty. Almost as nasty as this. Then he started to play with his gun in his pocket. No, no, not that gun. (Chris Hanson would like to see you, pervert)

All of a sudden his gun goes off. What did I just say? It's not that gun.

A 17 year old boy shot himself in the leg with the .25 caliber pistol that he had in his pocket while waiting in line. I don't know about you, but the McDonald's I go in never require me to carry a gun. The kid is in good condition, but he will be charged with illegal possession of a firearm.

Never Go To McDonald's Without Your Gun [Yahoo.com]

High Priced Gas Is Good For You, Apparently

Charles Courtemache is a very sick man. Courtemache is doing a study for Washington University in St. Louis, in which he is concluding that rising gas prices in America cause obesity levels to drop. He even says that for every $1 per gallon increase on gas, 15% of America’s obesity drops in 5 years. According to this article, Courtemache “found” this info, as in he has “proof.”

This study is apart of Courtemache’s doctoral dissertation in health economics. It’s no wonder Courtemache made up this info, it was for his homework. You remember college, right? 15 page paper, you’ve only got 3 pages so far and it’s due tomorrow. Let’s just dump random facts into it you made up. That’ll fill the space. And you know the TA isn’t going to read and check the facts, that’s the last thing they want to do. They just want the credit for being the TA, not to get extra work.

Here are some possible other random “facts” from Courtemache:

• When you get a high-priced prostitute, heart disease in the US drops 11%. Up 10% from 2005. A cheap hooker helps raise the Terror Alert Level.
• When Chris Hansen catches a predator, our nation’s debt declines by 4%.
• When you masturbate, troops begin to be withdrawn from Iraq.

That Courtemache Is Full of Shit, Man [Yahoo.com]