Happy Birthday Lefty!

I hope you get some good presents!

Lefty It's Your Birthday...

Happy Birthday Lefty. I wish you better than your heart desires, and your first kiss from a boy.



[youtube]

Wrong Video [Deadspin]

4 week hangover [News.com.AU]

Nothing could possibly go wrong with this [Local6]

Fun in high school [RecordOnline]

Lightning Rod

A Croatian motorbike rider was struck by lightning in the penis while taking a hoser on the side of the road. He was knocked out and says he doesn't remember it happening, which is probably better for him. Apparently doctors say his penis will heal and be normal again. I just don't see that. I once got slightly electrocuted with some Christmas lights and that hurt like a bitch. However, the biggest surpise to me about this whole story, is that fact that someone riding a motorbike has a penis in the first place.

Bad Luck City and This Guys the Mayor [news.com.au]

Head Start to the Maury Show

I don't know how this one slipped by me, but a 17 pound baby was born in Siberia last week. That is absolutely huge and I'm sure when the baby is two years old she will be feasting on ribs for breakfast and making the mid-day talk show rounds with barbecue sauce all over her shirt.

Honey I Blew Up the Kid II [news.com.au]

Man Accused Of Sawing House In Half

Rodney Rogers, 66, had made an agreement with his friends, the Bowers, to buy a house the Bowers were building. Rogers was living in the home while the final renovations were being made, and he said he agreed to pay the Bowers with cash. However, sometime between the completion and the alleged incident the two sides were unable to come to an agreement on terms.

Rodgers got so angry that he sawed the entire house in half, including drywall, carpet, and windows. All I can say is WHY?? Then if you buy the house, you'll have to fix it up again. The best part of the whole thing is what the Cincinnati police charged him with: Vandalism and Aggravated Menacing. The vandalism I get, but the aggravated menacing I don't since I would assume their is a lower form of the crime that is just regular "menacing?"

Man Charged with being menacing, sawing house in half [nbc5.com]

Minnesota Man Does Ozzy Impersonation

A man in Minnesota was arrested today for riping the head off of a live, tame duck at a hotel. The duck was swimming in an ornamental pond inside the hotel when Scott Clark cornered the duck and the ripped the head off it's body.

I’m hungry. I’m gonna eat it.

And as if this really needs to be written, Clark was apparently intoxicated.

Embassy Suites Now Serving Duck [MSNBC]

Giraffes Fighting

Now dog fighting is gruesome. Two dogs, probably injected with all sorts of shit, mauling each other to death. Giraffe's fighting however...... hilarious. Those necks just swing!



courtesy of With Leather

Want Meth? Ask a Teenager

White House drug czar John Walters called a recent report that said 1/4 of teens, or 25% if that is easier to understand (fractions can be problematic), believed it was somewhat easy to obtain methamphetamines. To go even further, one third believe there was little risk in trying meth once or twice (which honestly would turn into nine days without sleep as your face melts off) and that there are benefits to using meth, including losing weight, coping with boredom and feeling happy.

I am pretty sure that John Walters job as drug czar is to STOP METH use, not encourage it. Try earning your paycheck John.

Tired? Bored? Sad? Try Meth. [nbc5.com]

Oscar De La Hoya Really Unwinds Out of the Ring

Oscar De La Hoya knows how to have a good time [X17Online.com]

Pimp My Golf Cart

Golf isn't cool enough for you? If you've got $14k burning a hole in your pocket, I suggest buying this sweet ride to make golf a little more up your alley.

[Withleather.com]

The Gators Celebrate In a Different Way

This is a funny era we live in, where every single thing a celebrity/sports figure/politician/etc. does can and usually is caught on camera. Then it's made fun of on the internet. Obviously I enjoy it and there's no reason not too.

Take a look at the way the University of Florida Gators celebrate their touchdowns. It's pretty gay, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Tebow/Joiner Celebrate [Towleroad.com]

thanks to The Booze News

How to Fill the Day in Prison

Ever wonder what prisoners do each and everyday? Hours and hours of playing cards, reading, making sure they don't become someone's "girlfriend?" Well, it seems Jonathan Lee Riches has decided none of that works for him so he has come up with another idea......he is suing Martha Stewart for $3.5 million. Don't worry, he plans on donating his settlement to Rachel Ray.

Riches has unsuccessfully sued President Bush, Tiger Woods, Barry Bonds and Michael Vick in federal court on a variety of claims. There are so many problems with this guy you have to wonder:

1. What type of land deal has you anywhere near Martha Stewart to begin with?
2. Why Rachel Ray and not the ladies on "The View?"
3. If you are going to take the time to sue someone, maybe you shouldn't file a hand written lawsuit. Judges tnd to laugh at those.

Martha Stewart sued by prisoner [wistv.com]

When Peaches Talks, You Listen

James Gilligan was doing the best he could to find the drugs. He stopped one 10 year old and took his bookbag. He stopped a school bus, took a 10 year old girls bookbag and took off. Gilligan, armed with knives, did all he could to grab as many bookbags as possible because he knew they carried drugs. There were no drugs in the bookbag. So who told him that their were drugs in the bookbags?

His poodle, Peaches.

Gilligan, who smoked meth earlier in the day to help him find these drugs, found himself numerous felonies and 20 misdemeanors for searching the children.

Meth is a Helluva Drug [HeraldNet.com]

Man Prefers Forklift to Walking

Four years is a long time, but imagine sitting in a room for that amount of time and not becoming gigantic. Well, a man in Lansing, Michigan did just that, and he was finally removed from his home by a forklift when his nurse thought his health was in danger and he needed to be taken to the hospital.

Now, I realize that the man, who suffers from Prader-Willi Syndrome, a rare genetic disorder that creates a chronic hunger feeling that can lead to overeating and life-threatening obesity, may not be able to completely control his situation. However, when diagnosed with this disorder you would think maybe he would try and combat it with some walking, or maybe a few salads. Instead, he had a blue tarp over his head while being removed from a hole in the side of his house on a forklift.

Forkilifts are just for warehouses anymore [yahoo.com]

Drug Smuggler Calls Cops for Help

Continually you will hear about criminal masterminds, but most of the time the only smart thing they do is avoid police officers. Well, one man thought he would change all that. Leroy Carr called Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents on August 7 to report that two backpacks he had stashed near the border containing 31 kilograms of cocaine were missing.

Seriously? When you stash cocaine somehwere and can't find it, try LOOKING HARDER! When you involve police, you are just looking to get laughed at in prison. I mean if you happen to get busted flying a DC-1o plane from Columbia to the U.S. under the radar and an Army helicopter sees you, that is bad luck. When you call the police to help you look for drugs you misplaced, that is you becoming your cellmate's "lady friend."

Money, Drugs, no Brains. [komotv.com]

Man Hides Sex Toy in Sex Toy?

Well not quite, but he did hide two dildos in two pieces of sausage that he planned to travel with. Apparently he was trying to bring them on the plane, which is completely legal, but also absolutely embarrassing for a 50 year old man.

Dildon't Hide Sex Toys in Sausage [reuters.com]

Doctors in Caracas Not Too Careful

When Carlos Camejo was in an accident in Caracas recently, he was taken to the morgue to perform an autopsy to determine the cause of death. However, doctors forgot to ask two little questions:

1. If he was in an accident, why are we doing an autopsy?
2. Before we start, should we make sure this guy is actually dead?

Whoops. Turns out, Camejo wasn't dead, just badly injured. Doctors began the autopsy by cutting into his face, at which point he started bleeding and woke up from the excruciating pain. I would have to believe that even if he was in a coma or unconscious, they would be able to tell that air was still being passed in and out of his body and into his lungs. Or maybe even that his heart was still beating, but I guess not.

Doctors decide to do Autopsy of living man, save time when he actually dies. [reuters.com]

Grown Man Still Known as Mr. Skin

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sex Driver

Ever say to a loved one, "Want to have sex while our friend drives us around town?" Why is it always just me? Well, Joshua Frank was driving around his friends during a romp session when he crashed his car. They just decided to leave the car where it was.

This story seems to have everything:

1. Joshua Frank is a carnival worker.
2. Frank blames the friends having sex as the reason why he crashed.
3. This happened in Idaho

Moral of the Story: When you're driving your friends around who are engaging in intercourse, keep both hands on the wheel Josh. wink wink.

Sex Causing Accidents in Idaho [Yahoo.com]

Pole Dancing To The Oldies

For those who want nightmares, picture your grandmother pole dancing. Done vomiting? Well the newest craze of stripper exercising is catching on for Grandmothers as well in Jacksonville and probably everywhere else now. I guess it's beneficial for the older women, but I'm having a hard time not picturing it naked. Maybe because I'm a pervert. No, not maybe. Because I'm a pervert. Can't you just jazzercise instead?

Strip-2-Fit [Fox30Online.com]

Mother/Daughter Prostitutes Are The Best

62 year old Mary Clark Duncan has begun her 2 month prison sentence for prostitution. This grandma, along with her daughter, agreed to have sex with what turned out to be an undercover officer. This GILF and MILF were charging $15 a piece for their acts.

The majority of the clientele for the Duncan duo are believed to be Hispanics. That's not even a joke I put in there. This article writes itself.

Mug Shots Here [WSBTV.com via Fark.com]

Putting a Snake in Your Mouth = Bad Idea

According to NBC5.com in Chicago, a man in Oregon was recovering Tuesday after putting his pet rattlesnake in his mouth and receiving a sharp "surprise." Really, a "surprise?" He put a snake in his mouth and got bit because he is an idiot, not cause it was unexpected. Even people on the "Oregon Trail" knew not to put snakes in their mouth.

Oregon man is an idiot [nbc5.com]

Nerd Gets Riled Up at Kerry Event, Gets Tasered

What is it with nerds and politics? We have all seen it before, videos of these weiners trying to make a point. Well I'm not so sure that University of Florida student, Andrew Meyer, got his point across at a recent John Kerry event.

While asking a question Meyer got a little heated and started berating Kerry with questions. Police officers told him to wrap it up and calm down. Meyer refused and ended up being carried out. As he tried to fight off police officers he was tasered with 50,000 volts of electricity. Judging by the screams I don't think that it felt very good.

I wonder if when he walks in a room all of the lights go on?

Berating Senators will get you tasered. [msn.com]

Rob The Cradle

So you’re a 55 year old man and you’re looking for an excuse to start dating 20 year old women, but you’re afraid of being branded a pervert? If you can get ‘em, you should bone ‘em. At least that’s what a recent study is saying.

Women often lose their reproductive capacity around age 50, but if men can still reproduce into their 70s, Darwin would say it's advantageous for males to live longer lives providing they can hook up with a woman capable of reproducing. Natural selection should favor longevity-boosting genes, which would get passed down from fathers to both sons and daughters. So women would benefit as well in future generations, the scientists say.

Result: Over time, the older-guy-with-younger-gal lifestyle would lift the lifespan ceiling for both men and women in the next generations and so on.

I don’t know about you, but I didn’t process any of that. I’m still daydreaming about being 60 and dating 25 year old women. If all it takes to raise the life expectancy of humans is to have children with 25 year old women when I’m 60 years old, I’m all for it. I mean at least doing the act of reproduction. Who wants kids when you’re 60? Is this study paying for the kids and taking care of them? Because I’ll certainly be too busy "attempting" to reproduce to be raising any kids.

Hugh Hefner Attempting to Raise Life Expectancy, Probably As You Read [Yahoo.com]

Tough Way To Get To School

If you think you had a long walk to school when you were little, it's nothing on these kids. These poor kids from a small Chinese village have to do this in order to get to school because of a lack of bridge. I would have dropped out of school if this were me. This would be ok, if the kids were trying out for the Green Beret or the Navy Seals.

"The youngest student, A Qia, 4, has to go over by herself each day." Click on the link to see the picture. Don't ever complain about a long walk ever again. And somebody get these kids a fucking bridge already.

I'm Calling In Sick, Everyday [DailyTimes.com.pk]

Cat Stuck In Tree

I would have to say, this is the best way to ever get anything out of a tree that is stuck. Always. This should always be the first option. Strike that. This is the ONLY option.

Cat No Longer In Tree [1010Wins.com]

Rock, Paper, Scissors, Attack

This video shows a man tearing into a women with some sort of whacking stick after a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. For some reason the crowed runs to the womans aide. Why? I don't know. Those Asians are always pretty crazy. Enjoy.


[withleather.com / youtube]

He Probably Has "Air" Sex, Too

This video makes me wonder about the state of the world. It is a clip of the defending champion at the Air Guitar World Championships 2007 in Finland. His name is Ochi Yosuke of Japan and he has probably never played a musical instrument in his life, but that doesn't seem to stop him in his quest to keep the title. Before you watch it, there are a few things you should know. Ochi wore that same sweatshirt with the tiger on it last year, and he looked equally as molester-ish. This was taped on Sept. 7, 2007, so the fact that he used Offspring's "Come Out and Play" from 1994 is an odd choice, and finally pay special attention to the move Ochi pulls after his scores are announced.



[youtube.com]

Bird On Camera

Your football team hasn't been good for quite awhile. You're on national television at your home field and your squad is getting beat again. You're on camera. What do you do? You guessed it, flip everybody off. ESPN should probably think about a tape delay. Click the link below to see the bird on camera. It's always funny to see for some reason.

We're #1 [The Big Lead]

Chinese Man Dies While Playing On His Computer

A 30 year old Chinese man died on Saturday, most likely from exhaustion. Exhaustion from what?

A 3 day binge on internet video gaming.

It’s not reported on what game it was, but we’re hoping it was Oregon Trail. Remember that game? You would be going along smoothly on the trail, but you’d suddenly break your arm and die. Or one of your wheels would fall off and your oxen would bolt. Who do those oxen think they were, running off like that?

Guy Logs Some Serious Computer Hours, Dies [Yahoo.com]

Gerald Ford Tribute In Cornfield

Gerald Ford has been honored, I guess, by a cornfield in Michigan. There's actually a company that specializes in corn field designs. I'm sure their parents are proud. Anyways, this Ford tribute allows me to link this video.


via videosift.com


Article via Yahoo.com
Video via Videosift.com

Peeping Tom Caught At Store

Gregory Christian is the store manager of a Lilburn, Georgia sporting goods. I'm sure he prides himself as a hard working manager, trying to make his store the most amount of money possible. On Friday, Christian was caught watching a woman try on a shirt in the dressing room, as he sat up in the ceiling tiles and peaked down.

What's the problem? Christian, the aforementioned hard working manager, was just seeing if the shirt fit in my opinion. He also wanted to see the reaction of the woman in the mirror to see if she like the shirt or not. How do you get a better understanding of the customers needs and wants from your store? You watch them get undressed. Christian shouldn't be punished for doing thorough research.

Watching From the Ceiling [AJC.com]

Why is Soccer so Serious?

We've all been there. You sit and watch your favorite sports team fail to win when you know they should, so you yell and scream. Occasionally fans will riot after a win, but for the most part a loss means you sulk. Apparently not when soccer is involved.

A man in Albania, Vilson Alushi, had vowed to burn his fish-delivery van if Albania failed to win against the Netherlands on Wednesday. Well guess what happened? Dutch striker Ruud van Nistelrooy scored a goal in injury time to end the game 1-0. I will hand it to Alushi though, he promptly went out to his van, doused it in gasoline and watched it burn. His friends alerted the fire department (probably cause they needed a ride home), but there was no water though because residents had drained the station due to a flood. I can only guess that the van is char-broiled.

Lunatic burns own van over soccer [msn.com]

Crocs Dominate the Wild

When you're unemployed and bored almost any four minute video is worth watching on the Internet. But this video shows the the Nile Crocodile tearing apart zebras and gazelles. The narration is comparable to Bob Saget on AFV, but when you are watching a Croc feast on helpless animals, I'm pretty sure you can look past it.

Dinner Anyone? [msn.com]

Breaking News: Inmates want more Sausage

"You know I want some so why can't you just give it to me?" (Billy Madison)

In Lea County New Mexico prison inmates started a riot because they we're only given 1 sausage with dinner. It seems that many of the inmates wanted more sausage and could not have any. Is this really all that surprising? Apparently when you are in jail you want to get your hands on all the sausage that you possible can. Is it just me or is this the most unthoughtful pun you have ever heard. Inmates and sausage, they kind of just go hand in hand don't they? (uh oh wait, no pun intended.)
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20772719/?GT1=10357

YouTube Class Now Being Offered

A liberal arts college in California will be the first known college to offer a class on YouTube. Students will watch videos and make comments. They’ll also make their own videos and monitor the comments. When these students go to get a job when they graduate, YouTube studies should put them over the top.

Darren Grose, student at Pitzer College, said:

YouTube is a phenomenon that should be studied, you can learn a lot about American culture and just Internet culture in general.

Nice try, Darren. Do you think any of us bought that? You want to know what I learn from YouTube? Watching people blow things up with M-80s is hilarious. Don't give us this crap about "learning about American culture." You just want to get credit hours for watching people blow things up. Admit it.

Facebook Class Is Probably Next [Yahoo.com]

Teen Shot At McDonald's

I'm sure this story has happened to everybody....

A teenager in Pittsburgh was in line at McDonald's on Wednesday. He was probably trying to decide whether he wanted the Double Quarter Pounder or The Big 'N' Tasty. Then he sat there, trying to figure out what exactly is a Big 'N' Tasty. Is it true they just add a tomato? Tomatoes aren't tasty. Tomatoes fucking suck. Especially warm tomatoes. That's nasty. Almost as nasty as this. Then he started to play with his gun in his pocket. No, no, not that gun. (Chris Hanson would like to see you, pervert)

All of a sudden his gun goes off. What did I just say? It's not that gun.

A 17 year old boy shot himself in the leg with the .25 caliber pistol that he had in his pocket while waiting in line. I don't know about you, but the McDonald's I go in never require me to carry a gun. The kid is in good condition, but he will be charged with illegal possession of a firearm.

Never Go To McDonald's Without Your Gun [Yahoo.com]

Man Hurt By His Own Booby Trap

A man from Michigan decided it's time to get revenge on whoever robbed his house... 2 years ago. This elaborate plan, that I guess took 2 years to construct, involved placing booby traps of pipe bombs around his house. The problem?

He must have forgotten where he put them. At 8AM today, this Michigan man lost his right arm when he tripped over his own booby trap, losing his arm in the process.

Look on the brightside Michigan man... at least you know the traps work.

Fun With Pipe Bombs [LSJ.com]

America's Youth Proves We're Screwed

Christopher Lanzarotta sat there and watched as a bunch of his friends got arrested for underage drinking, and thought that he would do his duty to bail them out. The problem was he needed a ride to the police station, so he asked the Orland Park cops at the party for a ride and the officer obliged.

The officer doing his best to make sure his safety wouldn't be compromised asked to search the teen's duffel bag to make sure he didn't have a weapon in it. Now, you would think that Lanzarotta would have thought it through before he agreed, but he didn't. He agreed and of course the officer found a pipe used for smoking pot. The officer then agreed to give him a ride to the station to arrest him.

Youth of America is Stoned, Stupid [nbc5.com]

Another Bengal In Trouble???? No Way

Deltha O'Neal is currently the new Bengal that has been reported in the news. The revolving door that is Cincinnati Police Station will be seeing O'Neal because of an incident with his dog. A woman and her child were bitten on legs and ass by O'Neal's rottweiler early Thursday morning, but he was no where to be found??? He apparently left the house 20 minutes earlier in a Cadillac sports untility vehicle. Why is this lady and her child at his house when he wasn't around???
The second thing I've realized is that if you want to play in the NFL you have to have the biggest God damn dog in the world that is not trained and will attack any person that walks by your house. You know how to stop incidents like this from happening: Chain up your fucking beast of a dog.



Another Bengal in the Police Blotter

High Priced Gas Is Good For You, Apparently

Charles Courtemache is a very sick man. Courtemache is doing a study for Washington University in St. Louis, in which he is concluding that rising gas prices in America cause obesity levels to drop. He even says that for every $1 per gallon increase on gas, 15% of America’s obesity drops in 5 years. According to this article, Courtemache “found” this info, as in he has “proof.”

This study is apart of Courtemache’s doctoral dissertation in health economics. It’s no wonder Courtemache made up this info, it was for his homework. You remember college, right? 15 page paper, you’ve only got 3 pages so far and it’s due tomorrow. Let’s just dump random facts into it you made up. That’ll fill the space. And you know the TA isn’t going to read and check the facts, that’s the last thing they want to do. They just want the credit for being the TA, not to get extra work.

Here are some possible other random “facts” from Courtemache:

• When you get a high-priced prostitute, heart disease in the US drops 11%. Up 10% from 2005. A cheap hooker helps raise the Terror Alert Level.
• When Chris Hansen catches a predator, our nation’s debt declines by 4%.
• When you masturbate, troops begin to be withdrawn from Iraq.

That Courtemache Is Full of Shit, Man [Yahoo.com]

The Rogaine Bandit

Mark Hoousendove is one of millions of men who have lost their hair. I haven’t seen a picture of Mark, but he probably has the classic horseshoe/cul-de-sac thing going on his dome. Mark apparently has begun to miss his hair and has been looking for a way to get it back. Sunday, he made an attempt to find the remedy. However, it wasn’t the most conventional way.

Mark went into the pharmacy, grabbed $50 worth of hair restoration product, and bolted for the door. Mark was caught.

I’m guessing Mark wasn’t stealing the product because he was poor, but rather because he was embarrassed to be buying hair restoration product. Mark, buddy, you’ve got to do a better job of stealing. How do you think I’ve been able to get the extra small condoms from the pharmacy for all of these years? Rip off the barcodes and act casual. Sometimes I’ll throw the girl at the counter off by buying the magnums, when in fact I have 5 boxes of the tinys stuffed into my pants. Get in the game Mark. Get smart about this.

Cul-de-sac Mark Caught Stealing [Yahoo.com]

Deuce not Douche...

We can all stop singing the wrong lyrics to Manfred Mann's Earth Band's "Blinded by the Light" now. Apparently after years and years of people singing "Blinded by the light revved up like a douche..." MSNBCs Test Patter finally put this to rest.

Apparently the correct lyrics are "revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night." Meaning deuce coupe (See Beach Boys "Little Deuce Coupe").
I don't know about you but I have been saying "revved up like a douche" since the first time I heard that song. I don't think that there was anyone out there who didn't think it was douche.

That's a joke, I don't know about you but next time I hear that song I'm still saying "douche".

Actual Words to Blinded by the Light [testpattern.com]

Boy Finds Way to Stop Disappointing His Parents

16 year old Jacob Brighton is your typical rebel teen, who enjoyed smoking weed and having different interests from his father. Jacob also didn’t work, but then again he’s only 16 years old. But this grew old for Jacob, who couldn’t take disappointing his parents anymore. Jacob decided to take things into his own hands.

So he got a job? No. He stopped smoking weed? No. He started watching baseball with his dad? No. So what did he do?

He killed his parents.

So there's nobody, now there's nobody to be disappointed in me, try to make me lead ... their life.

Phew, that was a close one. I didn’t think he was old enough to handle the responsibility of an after school job anyways. I had a job after school and let me tell you, it was no picnic. Life is so cruel when you’re a 16 year old. Nobody understands what it's like.

Well That’s One Way of Getting Rid of Your Problems [Local6.com]

Tropical Storms are Scary..

And because of that, people in Texas are scared of something named Humberto for the first time since drunk uncle Humberto got a hold of a shotgun on the 4th of July.

Take Cover Texas [reuter.com]

Go Home Already

Be honest, I'm not the only one to have wondered what it would be like to live in a hotel. However, I never wondered what it would be like to be shacked up in a Travelodge for 20 years. Well, one couple has done just that. David Davidson (seriously) and his wife Jean have spent 10 consecutive years in a Travelodge near London, and spent over $200,00.

"We get great rates because we book well in advance and we even have our own personal housekeeper. All our bed linen is laundered, too. It doesn't get much better than that, does it?" said former Royal Navy sailor David Davidson.

The best part of the whole thing is that they still own a home, and return every few days to collect the mail and paper. You would think they would have just had everything forwarded by now.

Go home already [yahoo.com]

"I Am Sorry for Pissing on Your Foot"

This craigslist posting comes from a man at Midway airport that apparently thinks he is doing a service by cleaning urinals with his powerwasher of a penis. The only problem this time is that he had too much to handle and it got away from him. Unfortunatly for the person next to him he got a foot full of piss.

The Wet Bandit [craigslist.org]

Make No Mistakes Around Wade Boggs

Baseball Hall of Famer Wade Boggs participated in a fishing tournament in Florida and was neck 'n' neck with Ex-Denver Bronco Mark Cooper for overall lead in the Celebrity Division. On the final day, the two ended up in a tie. Boggs caught two fish, while Cooper caught one on the final day. Tournament director Gary Ellis mistakenly awarded Cooper with the victory, basing his decision on time. Boggs was not happy.

At the awards ceremony at the Westin Key West, when hearing the news, Boggs was quoted as saying, “I caught two fish and you caught one and you win?” He then grabbed the trophy and ran out of the room.

Ellis would admit mistake and call Boggs that he was the winner. This tournament, which was being run for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation nonetheless, has been marred by crybaby Wade Boggs. We're guessing after he left the fishing tournament, he went and beat his 5 year old nephew in checkers. Wade Boggs must win.

Boggs Isn't Leaving Until He Gets His [Keynoter.com / via Fark.com]

Unbelievable... Millionaire Wins Millions More

It might anger Bohner that a couple of hilljacks won over $300 million playing the lottery. But this takes the cake. This millionaire for some reason still felt it necessary to buy lottery tickets and then had the balls to win another 26.5 million pounds. I hope his house burns down.


Mo Money, Mo Problems [uk.reuters.com]

Win, Win Situation

The governor of the central Russian province of Ulyanovsk, wants couples to stay home from work today and have sex. Ok, sign me up. Wait there's more. If you have a baby in exactly nine months you can win prizes ranging from household appliances to a brand new house. Bob Barker has nothing on that.

Sex Lottery [uk.reuters.com]

Cheat Safely With Ibila

Imagine you’re a 45 year old man. You have a potential relationship with a woman at the office brewing that could result in some major boning. There’s a problem though: you’re married and too stupid to come up with a good way of not getting caught. You get caught, you’ll lose half your stuff in a divorce settlement. Don’t worry cheaters, Ibila is there for you. A company founded by a private detective in France actually helps you cheat successfully.

Want to get some action at a nice hotel? Ibila makes the reservations. Not sure how you’ll pull it off? Ibila mails you information about a fake conference you have to fake attend. They even make up pens/shirts/etc. as proof you were at the conference.

Finally, a way to get that secretary in the sack, keep all your money, and still have your wife do your laundry. I don’t understand how we’ve lived without Ibila this long.

Safe Sex With Ibila [Yahoo.com]

Swinger Turns Into Stabber

For his 29th birthday, Paul Hodgsen invited over a male co-worker for a small orgy with Paul’s girlfriend Charlotte. While the co-worker (Ian) was going to town on Charlotte, Paul was left by himself on the sidelines because he was unable to produce wood. Instead of finding a way to cope with this problem (pics of Jessica Alba), Paul decided to stab Ian to death. Paul claims innocence saying Ian was raping Charlotte.

Whoa whoa, back up a second. Did Paul invite a guy over for his birthday orgy? If anybody should be on trial, it’s Charlotte. Why isn’t Charlotte bringing over one of her girlfriends for Paul’s birthday? This is the real travesty.

BDay Orgy Goes Wrong [The Sun UK / via Fark.com]

About That Foot Fetish Robber...

Remember the story about the foot fetish robber? You should, it was just reported today. If not click here, stupid. The Smoking Gun has his mug shot....

[picture via The Smoking Gun]

Every Scientist's Dream Job

Now don't get me wrong, there usually is a good reason that scientists conduct a study or experiment, but how did they get away with this one? The study concluded that during exercise, women's breasts bounce more than previously estimated, moving a vertical distance of up to around eight inches compared with a past maximum measurement of six inches.

Author Joanna Scurr, a biomechanics professor at the University of Portsmouth in England, conducted the experiment for which he observed and took measurements when women walked, jogged and ran in different types of bras. Scurr will present her research this week at an annual meeting for the British Association of Sport and Exercise Sciences in Bath, I guarantee the meeting will be packed.

Exercise unleashes a bounce... [msn.com]

Canadian Women Are Crazy

As if you needed more proof that Canadian women are insane, a woman shot her husband 4 times with a double-barreled shotgun because he wanted a divorce. Well, he wanted a divorce because he was having an affair. Eddie Martin had some side action and told his soon to be ex-wife about it. Eddie, are you kidding me? You don't tell her you've been seeing somebody and that's why you want a divorce. You tell her about how she's become a fat pig and she's nothing but a bloated version of the woman you married 30 years ago. She's less likely to shoot you if you've completely crushed her self-esteem. Wise up, Eddie.

The Truth Shall Get You Shot [Yahoo.com]

Rush Hour Resolved

Berlin has come up with the best solution to avoid the hectic and chaotic chore of sitting in traffic. They have decided to take down all stop signs and lights in order to avoid car accidents and make it easier for the town's people to cross the street. Is it just me or does this seems like it is going to cause more accidents and make it very hard for a pedestrian to even attempt to cross the street? Good luck citizens of Berlin.


Looks Both Ways [yahoo.com]

GIRLFIGHT!!!

What comes to mind when you hear GIRL FIGHT? You are probably imagining two hot girls with little clothes on slapping each other. Well, you were half right. This girl fight did involve slapping but as to the two hot girls with little clothes on, you couldn't be farther off. The fight included dried up white rapper, Kid Rock and a dirty tattooed Tommy Lee. During the VMA this past Sunday, Kid Rock decided to bitch slap Tommy Lee while walking past his table. Tommy Lee tried to fight back but security guards swarmed the two has-been rockers before the fight could go any further. I guess if you can't be known for being an actual good singer, then you are going to be known for a half ass girl fight.

Rock versus Lee [perezhilton.com]

Coach Punishes Player By Taking His Pants.

If you want to save your dignity, Do not cross this football coach. Aucherae Washington returned home after his afternoon football practice wearing only his t-shirt and underwear and proclaimed that his coach made him take off his pants. Now, I know what you are thinking but get your head out of the gutter. The story isn't going in that direction. Coach Curt punished his player for walking down the hill during a running drill by asking him to return all his clothes because he was not worthy to wear them. I'm afraid to ask what happens to his player when they lose a game?

Pants-less Player [NBC.com]

A Different Pair of Britney's Lips in the News

Britney Spears was, to no surprise, a mess at the the MTV VMA's on Sunday and for some reason that is news. She looked like a dime store hooker and couldn't even lip sync the words to her own song. This should be the last we hear from Spears, but with her stupidity and the fact that MTV gets a jolly out of making a fool of her, it won't end anytime soon.


Percocet anyone? [msnbc.com]

P.S. When does Jammie Lynn turn 18?

Senior Citizen Fights Back

How embarrassing do you think it is to try and rob a 74-year- old man but end up getting your ass kicked? Bruce Ferraro was threatened by a 32-year-old man with a tire iron but decide he was going to open up a can on this joker. Ferraro stole the tire iron from the assailant who took off for his car, which stalled, so he got out and ran. He was later caught by police and charged with attempted robbery. The police should just let this clown go because he got beat up by a 74-year-old man, that's embarrassment enough.

Not a good day for robbers.

Senior Fights Off Iron-Wielding [yahoo.com]

Da Coach Adjusts When He Wants To

Former Chicago Bears Coach Mike Ditka either forgot he was on tv or just didn't care. Thanks to WithLeather, a picture was captured of Da Coach laying the wood down on the table. Is Ditka classy? No, but who gives a shit. Is he still a badass? Absolutely. That's all that matters. Coach Ditka can do whatever Coach Ditka wants to do.

Da Coach Shows Mike & Mike His Hammer [WithLeather]

From Disney to Girls Gone Wild

Ever since those naked pictures of Vanessa Hudgens has surfaced on the internet, Joe Francis is working his best to get the current Disney star to try another type of movie making. Apparently Hudgens girl next door look has Francis feeling that she would be perfect for Girls Gone Wild. Will the Disney star stray away from her innocent virgin appeal or will she become just another actress taking her clothes off to further her career?


Disney Gone Wild? [TMZ.com]

From Hilljack to High Roller

David Cortel and his 2 children Lynn Hiles and David Cortel Jr of Riverside, Ohio finally claimed their $314 million Powerball jackpot yesterday. Cortel and family waited 2 weeks to step forward and claim their gigantic prize.

There are a few questions to ask yourself when you hear a story like this:

1. Why in God's name did they wait 2 weeks to cash in the ticket? If I had a ticket that was worth over 300 million big ones you can bet your sweet ass I wouldn't wait 2 weeks to cash it in.
2. It is now a known fact that in order to win the big Powerball jackpot you have to be a hilljack that works in a warehouse of some sort.
3. Seriously though, who waits 2 weeks? Stupid Ohio people......can I borrow $10 bucks?

Hilljacks hit Jackpot [MSNBC]

Campaigning for Mother of the Year

Mary Winkler, after murdering her husband with a shotgun, has decided to make a late entrance into the Mother of the Year race. She is pleading to the judge that her three kids, 2, 8, and 10, don't deserve to live without a mother and in the eye of the public. Probably should have thought of that before you played real-life Duck Hunt with your husband.


Their best interest... Stay away from mom. [msnbc.com]

You Forgot Something

A man stealing cars in Ohio made the mistake of stealing a car low on gas. The man fills the car up, but leaves the receipt in the car when he decides he's had enough of this car and steals a different SUV. Police find receipt, then find video of him in gas station based off of his receipt. If you're stealing cars, why are you paying for gas?

Thieves: Say "No Thanks" When It Comes To Receipts [Newsnet5.com]

Homeowner Flips the Script and Steals Clothes

A burglar in Minnesota made a big mistake when he touched the wife a 69-year-old Duluth man while trying to rob the house . It seems the home owner was just trying to get the youngster ready for prison by stripping him naked.

Shouldn't Have Failed Out of High School [msnbc.com]

Foot Fetish Robber

1. Find woman.
2. Demand keys & cell phone.
3. Take car and run? No no no. Take off victim's shoes.
4. Begin to lick feet.
5. NOW, run away.

What? A man in Minnesota mugged a woman and took her phone and keys, but didn't leave until he was able to lick her feet. Luckily for the victim, feet only seem to be his licking fetish and not this.

Feet Taste Like.... Feet. [Yahoo.com]

Can't Sell Your House? Turn It Into A Brothel

In New Rochelle, New York, a couple had a hard time selling their house at the price they wanted it. So what did they do? What any smart person would do and use it as a whorehouse. Using 4 prostitutes and Craigslist (of course), Richard Werner and Heather Mezzenga attempted to get their money where they could from the house as the market wouldn't let them get it legally. The house had heavy shades and a red ribbon out in front, signaling it was open for business. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going out to comb my neighborhood for red ribbons.

Brothels Would Cure Housing Slump [WCBSTV.com]